Marie Digby - Miss Invisible (Original Song)

Marie Digby - Unfold (Original Song)

"cause i don't wanna go on living
being so afraid of showing
someone else my.. imperfections
even though my feet are trembling
and every word i say comes stumbling
i will bare it all.. watch me unfold"

Marie Digby - Traffic (Original Song)

"I wait in the same spot
brain like a parking lot
you're the traffic in my head
you're the reason why i'm wrecked
I pray for it to stop
like rain on the sidewalk
traffic in my head
you're the traffic in my head
there's just too much to forget"

NY NY Underground

i didn't know i look like this... ㅠㅠ

hiding

you can tell when someone is trying to hide something from you.
i think i am open minded to talk about my issues with some close friends, but there's time even when i feel like it's right and better to let the 'real truth' know, but i tend to unfold the story.

i hesitated to unfold the story in front of a friend this past sunday.

because unfolding the stories take tremendous energy from my heart. and the effort i put into taking out that energy(which has been in my life the entire time) can become 'aw~' for one second when they hear me out. so i tend to unfold the story.

my stories can be somewhat overwhelming, but it's been there in my entire life, and i just don't want it to dissolve before my eyes with 'aw~' for a second.

so i may not unfold that story even when there's doubts.

i just realized that i am

1. stubborn
2. unfriendly
3. awkward
4. hard to be understood
5. blatantly disobedient
6. chaotic
7. tough at work
8. unwilling to give in
9. disturbing
10. very impatient

do these attributes make me a horrible person?

awakening moments??

i almost drowned at the water park last saturday.
although i didn't make a big deal out of it afterwards, i was in fact quite terrified.
( my friends just thought i was playing underwater.)

as I continued to sink and los e control of my body, my mind completely went blank. i couldn't think of anything else but dying. i thought, 'wow, is this how i'm going to die? this can't , this must not be how i die!'

at first when i lost control of my feet, i thought i would be able to make it out of the water and be okay, but i wasn't able to. i sort of know how to swim, but i couldn't even move my arms in the swimming motion. instead, my arms were losing energy and i kept drinking the dirty pool water, and losing more and more control and then i panicked. it happened in less than a minute or so, but i was so terrified that i couldn't think or speak for a while after it happened.

anyway, i used to think that when i came upon one of these 'scared to death' moments, i would think of a lot of things about my life like flashback memories. however, i wasn't thinking of anything but the fact that i was dying and 'how can i die like this?' i was terrified, but as i lost hope of surviving, i felt calm. and just as i was finally starting to calm down, someone snatched me out of water and helped me stand up straight. (the funny thing i thought , though , at that moment, was that i didn't wish he would give me mouth-to-mouth.) he pushed me away to the shallow end. i guess i didn't drink enough dirty water to be unconscious. i managed to walk out ok, even though i couldn't hear anything for a while and my throat was hurt from drinking substantial amounts of pool water.

after these panicking moments had passed by, i blamed myself for not having learned how to swim better even after having lived in Hawaii for almost five and a half years. (well, of course, i have to substract one and a half years of that time for serving the Lord.)

anyway, through this experience i got to think more about 'life and death.'
although all i felt was a blur this time, i hope to be ready next time and not feel terrified all the way.

from Numi..

"기자님 너무 감사합니다
기사중에 제일 정확하고 제일 마음에 들게 잘 써주셨습니다
정말 정말 감사합니다"

which means

"thank you very much reporter.
your article was most precise one among others, and you wrote it perfectly in the way i'd wanted. thank you very very much."

pu ha ha...

i am...

finally putting the period(.) on the ...ing.