awakening moments??

i almost drowned at the water park last saturday.
although i didn't make a big deal out of it afterwards, i was in fact quite terrified.
( my friends just thought i was playing underwater.)

as I continued to sink and los e control of my body, my mind completely went blank. i couldn't think of anything else but dying. i thought, 'wow, is this how i'm going to die? this can't , this must not be how i die!'

at first when i lost control of my feet, i thought i would be able to make it out of the water and be okay, but i wasn't able to. i sort of know how to swim, but i couldn't even move my arms in the swimming motion. instead, my arms were losing energy and i kept drinking the dirty pool water, and losing more and more control and then i panicked. it happened in less than a minute or so, but i was so terrified that i couldn't think or speak for a while after it happened.

anyway, i used to think that when i came upon one of these 'scared to death' moments, i would think of a lot of things about my life like flashback memories. however, i wasn't thinking of anything but the fact that i was dying and 'how can i die like this?' i was terrified, but as i lost hope of surviving, i felt calm. and just as i was finally starting to calm down, someone snatched me out of water and helped me stand up straight. (the funny thing i thought , though , at that moment, was that i didn't wish he would give me mouth-to-mouth.) he pushed me away to the shallow end. i guess i didn't drink enough dirty water to be unconscious. i managed to walk out ok, even though i couldn't hear anything for a while and my throat was hurt from drinking substantial amounts of pool water.

after these panicking moments had passed by, i blamed myself for not having learned how to swim better even after having lived in Hawaii for almost five and a half years. (well, of course, i have to substract one and a half years of that time for serving the Lord.)

anyway, through this experience i got to think more about 'life and death.'
although all i felt was a blur this time, i hope to be ready next time and not feel terrified all the way.