drenched in hopes

i feel gloomy.
i don't know whether it's precisely the right word to describe how i feel, but i do feel gloomy.
i expected it to be this way, but i guess i was drenched in hopes.
i don't regret for what i did since i feel a lot lighter in the chest.
it was a good decision for better health condition.
but it's never fun to be rejected.
i don't believe in going through that repetitive procedures in order to be accepted oneday.
i just don't.
life would be so much more blissful if things come true in the way i want.
but i know there will be no challenges if it always works out the way i want.
because these gloomy stages are designed to help me to develop the muscles in distinguishing the real taste of joy. so i will gladly take that. and i will keep walking.

but do i really feel lighter in the chest? i don't know.
maybe it will only get lighter oneday when i finally learn how not to be drenced in hopes.