one word, one thought

the other day i was on the subway on the way to work, a lady with a weird hair and a strange outfit sat next to me. at first i noticed how her face doesn't have any expression, but later i noticed how her look and the outfit don't match like you are wearing a fancy dress with an old fashioned sneakers on. but since she sat next to me, that was the end what i saw of her. and obviously i didn't turn my head around to see her again. so i was sitting there looking at other people.

sometimes i don't do anything on the subway but watching people. it has, in fact, been a great hobby of mine to just watch people. it may sound a little bit rude to watch people like that, but you know sometimes i can't help myself thinking about what their lives would be like(like how their relationships with their families and friends are), what they might think in their minds, and whether where they are heading to, etc. i just can't help it. i've been alway fascinated by the fact all people are so different and we all have different lives since i was very little even though it may sound a bit awkward to think of somthing which seems to be very normal in society.

anyway, so i was just sitting there watching people sitting across from us. and she and i got off at the same stop which was the last stop of the train i was on. so i got to see all the reactions of the people who came in and sat across from us. and every single one of them literally stared at her with a very puzzled look. i couldn't tell how she was reacting to it or whether she even looked at them at all. but i felt uneasy by looking at the facial expressions of all those people who gave those looks to her. at some point, i even wanted to stand up and say "what's the matter? can you stop staring at her like that?" but i just sat there thinking and feeling how uncomfortable it was to see peoples' reactions. i mean it was just hard.

so as i was being in that moment, i realized how cruel people could be with their one look towards others. how often unconscious we become in many circumstances and caught up in the moment to be 'natural man.' i mean... people might not really realize what they are doing when they do look at people like that. but it's unconciously in their minds somehow that they automatically register to their brains that something's wrong with some people and the automated outcome of your look comes out naturally.

and how often do i make those unconscious mistakes to possibly increase the nervousness, anxiety, fear of someone because of a look i gave or a word i spoke to that individual? how often do i give that 'judgmental look' to someone who is possibly feeling so insecure already with themselves? how often do i say a word to someone without a careful consideration to be funny or what i think is better and right than what they might have to say?

i think i make a lot of mistakes with these issues. i gave many looks and spoke many words to either hurt and judge others without even knowing them. these days i have had many experiences with this 'one word' thing that how possibly it can hurt feelings of others so easily.

the lady who sat next to me on the subway probably went through a lot like those kinds of experiences in the past how she was over Looked by others. she might have gotten used to it and she wouldn't even care any more, but she still have feelings and emotions that might bring her down whenever that kind of experiences happened.

so the lesson is that i need to be really really careful how i look at people. whether i give them the sincere and warm look or i can possibly be the coldest and judgmental person on the whole earth.